By Susie and Otto Collins, Relationship Coaches
As Relationship Coaches, we are often asked how to create a
better relationship and more
specifically, a better
marriage.
With half of all marriages ending in divorce, we think that's a great question!
Through working with many married people in our relationship
coaching practice, we have identified some ways that you can create a great
marriage. These are ideas that we follow in our
own marriage and ones that we know will
enhance your love for each
other.
With that being said, here are several things you can do to
create a great marriage:
1. Many couples feel a soul mate connection when they
first come together and then after a few weeks, months or years, that feeling
may gradually slip away. To recapture that feeling, take some time to remember
what it was that attracted you to each other in the first place. It might be some activity you shared and that
you could do again, even if it was once a month. The point is to consciously set aside the
time to do an activity that you both used to enjoy and that brought you
together.
2. Some couples have a problem with relationship trust
and they use "being busy" to mask the true reason for disconnection. There may have been hurt that wasn't
addressed and it's difficult for them to open their hearts to each other. The
marriage that lacks trust is one where one or both people feel like they are
walking on eggshells and never fully allow themselves to commit to the
relationship. When there is no trust
between the partners, separation is created at every step of the way (including
being busy) and it's difficult for the two people to feel any type of
connection. So begin to address the
issues that are underneath what seems to be the reason for the disconnection. Begin to be honest with yourself and with your partner. Get professional help if you need it.
3. A common problem that happens to married couples,
especially after a number of years, is that the relationship lacks intimacy and love making is unsatisfactory to
one or both partners. In some cases, there is flirting with
other people because one or both partners want more attention and want to feel
loved. In order for love making to improve, both people need to take the time
to connect before the bedroom. Even if
the connection is 10 minutes during an evening, it will make a huge difference
in the quality of your love making. Fantastic love making starts with a heart
connection and this is where we suggest people begin to focus their attention.
4. Bring romance back into your relationship. Couples say
they lack the time to be
romantic and they
lack romantic ideas. They say that their
marriages are dull, boring and there is no life in them. Romance can spice up a marriage and it can
take very little time. Simply take a
moment and look into each other's eyes.
Stop what you are doing and connect.
That can be the most romantic thing either of you could do.
5. Many marriages are plagued with jealousy issues. One or both
people may be
jealous because they
been in a series of past relationships where their partner cheated on
them. They may have low self-esteem
issues. Whatever the reason, jealousy
eventually tends to destroy a marriage so it has to be addressed and healed by
both people.
6. In many marriages,
infidelity is
the norm rather than the exception. When
one or both people in the marriage are having affairs and they are not dealing
with the problems, the relationship is most surely headed for
divorce. In many
cases, infidelity and affairs would never happen if people understood the
importance of healing their broken heart and
not pretending that something or someone outside of themselves and their marriage
will fix it. Begin to focus on your
relationship now-even if it's just turning to pay attention to your partner
when he or she speaks. Don't hide in the
newspaper, kids or television. Turn and
be present.
We suggest that you take this free relationship
advice and begin using it to create a great marriage. The most important
thing is to actively start focusing your attention on your relationship. The
best advice we can give you is to start now!
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